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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24852544">if that's what it takes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/EffervescentYellow/pseuds/EffervescentYellow'>EffervescentYellow</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Charité | Charité at War (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Christmas, Family, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Period Typical Attitudes, Period-Typical Homophobia, Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:21:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,930</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24852544</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/EffervescentYellow/pseuds/EffervescentYellow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Love isn’t something that can be turned on and off quite so easily, Otto.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Otto Marquardt/Martin Schelling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>56</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Otto didn’t call his mother for quite a long time after the war.</p><p>He tried many times, each time picking up the phone without pressing any buttons, listening to the hum of static on the line, and then putting it back in the holder, not knowing what to say and also knowing that he didn’t want to lie. He’d lied so much over the past few years that the ease at which he did it now had begun to bother him, but there were some things he couldn’t be honest about either. Martin was the most important.</p><p>Otto stressed about it often at night, and Martin would always ask “How do you think she would react?” or “Do you think it might be better just to tell her and just see what happens to stop worrying?” but Otto would always answer “I don’t know” which Martin never pushed back against. </p><p>After Anni moved, however, he knew he had to do something. At one point, he had felt almost suffocated at Charité having her practically at arm’s length at any moment, but he had grown to find her presence comforting and without it he felt stranded.</p><p>He wanted to stay connected with his family, and he knew that he couldn’t avoid his mother forever.</p><p>It was when the leaves started to fall off the trees again and Berlin became grey once more with cold wind that Martin finally gave him a small push.</p><p>“It’ll be Christmas soon, Otto. You should reach out to her, even if you don’t mention me,” Martin said gently, turning around in the small bed they shared to look Otto in the eyes, his gaze just short of pleading.</p><p>“I don’t know what I could say about my life if I didn’t mention you,” Otto mumbled, trying to not get caught in the other man’s eyes.</p><p>“The same things you said before you met me – that you’re well but busy. That your days are filled with surgeries and studies and you don’t have time for much else.”</p><p>It was true but felt hollow. When Otto said as much, Martin reached up and brushed a thumb over Otto’s eyebrow, making him look back at him, “The only reason you and I are still here and alive, Otto, is because of many different lies. If another lie is what it takes to keep you going, then I would say that it’s worth it.”</p><p>“I don’t think she would turn me in…”</p><p>“No, probably not,” Martin answered after just a beat too long.</p><p>“But I don’t know that she would still love me.” He said into the darkness.</p><p>oOo</p><p>He did try and write out a few letters that he could send his mother for Christmas, but he didn’t think a single one of them sounded like it was written by him. Eventually, he gave up and called Anni.</p><p>“Martin thinks I should contact Mother for Christmas,” he said after first asking some about her job and about Karin.</p><p>“I think he’s right.” </p><p>“I don’t think I want to do it unless I tell her about Martin.”</p><p>“Oh…” she breathed into the phone, and he felt his stomach drop.</p><p>“I don’t know…. I don’t know how she would react,” he said softly, and he felt like he was small child again, asking Anni to patch up a knee he’d scraped or to help him hide a piece of old china he’d broken, but this time much more serious. “I’m afraid-“ he tried to complete the sentence, but his throat closed up and he thought if he kept going he might cry.</p><p>Anni didn’t say anything and then he heard Karin crying suddenly in the background. “Can I call you again later, Otto? After I put Karin to bed?”</p><p>He agreed, but he couldn’t decide if she’d really put off answering because of Karin or if it was because she didn’t have an answer herself.</p><p>oOo</p><p>He worried all through dinner, and Martin just looked at him with concern but let him brood. He made them each a cup of thin black coffee with the remaining grounds they had left and hooked his good leg around Otto’s under the table while they waited for Anni to call back.</p><p>When they heard the phone ring in the hallway, Otto sprung up immediately and rushed out to answer it.</p><p>“I think she will be disappointed, Otto, maybe hurt, maybe mad, I don’t know, but I don’t think she could ever not love you… She worried about you so much while you were at the front and then after and when you were hurt. I think she would rather have you in her life this way than not at all. I know I would.”</p><p>Anni’s words rushed out quickly and it sounded as though she had been thinking seriously about what to say, and Otto felt himself release a deep breath. “You think I should tell her, then.”</p><p>“I don’t know that there is a way to keep that kind of secret from her forever.”</p><p>“Alright,” he replied quietly but didn’t move to hang up the phone.</p><p>Anni was also quiet on the line for a moment before saying, “You know about Karin, and Artur, and the work I did with De Crinis.”</p><p>“Yes,” Otto replied, realizing it was a question.</p><p>“And you still love me?” She asked, and he could hear the slight waver in her voice.</p><p>“Of course, I do,” he breathed.</p><p>“Then I think it’s maybe the same.”</p><p>“That’s how you feel about me.”</p><p>“I don’t know – I don’t think that I agree with it, still, but I like Martin, truly, and I know you’re happy, and I want you to be happy because I love you.”</p><p>Otto rested his forehead against the wall as he let her words wash over him. It wasn’t perfect, but it didn’t need to be for it still to matter.</p><p>“Thank you…” he murmured into the line.</p><p>“Love isn’t something that can be turned on and off quite so easily, Otto.”</p><p>oOo</p><p>Otto called his mother the next morning. He’d barely slept at all the night before, and he was so on edge, that he knew he had to just get it over with or he would completely lose himself over to stress and nerves. </p><p>The phone rang quite a few times before she finally answered, and Otto could picture her working her way through to the kitchen where Anni had convinced her to install a telephone.</p><p>“Hello?” She said, and he hadn’t heard her voice in so long that it sent a jolt through him, shocked by its familiarity.</p><p>He was already a jumble of nerves, and he could hear the slightest tremor in his voice as he said “Mama? It’s Otto.”</p><p>“Otto! Oh my-“ she exclaimed, “I haven’t heard from you in so long! How are you? Are you alright?”</p><p>“I’m alright,” he said as cheerily as he could, but his fingers knotted themselves in the phone cord as he spoke, “I’m sorry I haven’t called.”</p><p>“Anni said you were very busy, but I was so worried, Otto…”</p><p>“I’m alright, Mama, I promise.”</p><p>“Won’t you come for Christmas? Surely you will be able to have a holiday then?”</p><p>Otto could feel his heartbeat in his throat and gripped the phone tighter against his ear, “Erm… I suppose I was wanting to talk to you about that, actually.”</p><p>“Yes?” </p><p>“I was wondering if it would be alright for me to bring my….” He paused, not knowing what he should call Martin, “My sweetheart?”</p><p>“Oh!” he could hear the surprise in his mother’s voice, “I didn’t know you-… but of course. If you would like to bring her along, then I think I would be very pleased to meet her. Does Anni know.”</p><p>“…yes.”</p><p>“Anni’s met her?”</p><p>Otto sucked in a breath, “yes… but Mama-“</p><p>“I would be glad to have her-</p><p>“Mama,” he interrupted and could feel blood rushing to his face, “She’s, erm, she’s not- It’s a man, Mama,” he whispered finally.</p><p>The silence stretched on for so long that Otto worried his mother had hung up, but he finally heard her take in a deep breath and knew she was still there. Hearing the silence however made him feel suddenly very faint.</p><p>“…you shouldn’t say that over the phone, Otto…” She said finally but sounded gravely serious</p><p>“I couldn’t very well put it in a letter, either.” he said and could hear the slight note of hysteria in his voice.</p><p>“Otto…”</p><p>“Anni knows.”</p><p>“She’s met him?”</p><p>“Yes, and she likes him.”</p><p>“How could-…” she stopped whatever she was going to say, but Otto’s mind filled the sentence with endless possibilities. “Otto, it’s against the law… It’s against God.”</p><p>“A lot of what has happened is against God, I think,” he snapped and then caught himself, “I would like to think my happiness is the least of God’s worries,”</p><p>The silence on her end stretched long again before she replied again, “You’re happy?”</p><p>“Very much so.”</p><p>“And you want to bring him.”</p><p>“I want you to know about him, really… but if I could bring him, I would be overjoyed.”</p><p>“Overjoyed,” she repeated.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Will you come without him.”</p><p>It was Otto’s turn to think for a moment. Martin had said that he should, but he didn’t want to, and he thought he might have more luck if he stood his ground, so he eventually replied as kindly as he could, “No.”</p><p>“What’s his name?”</p><p>“Martin.”</p><p>“Otto, I don’t want you to think I approve-“</p><p>“I don’t need you to approve, Mama. I just want to be able to come home and know that we’ll be welcome.”</p><p>She sighed deeply over the line, “You’re always welcome at home,” and then emphasized, “I want you to come home.”</p><p>“With him?”</p><p>“…if that’s what it takes.”</p><p>He could already feel the watery smile breaking out across his face as he replied, “Thank you.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Martin and he both managed to work out a few extra days off around Christmas and then immediately collected their ration cards together to see what they might be able to bring back with them. Together, they were able to buy some more coffee, a handful of eggs, a small bag of sugar, and through the black market a couple of bright-colored oranges. If they had to live through January with just bread and tinned goods, they both agreed that would be fine.</p><p>A few days later and they were off on a train into Saxony. Neither of them had left the concrete of the city since the front, and Otto found himself glued to the window as they left the tall apartments and well-paved streets into the thick forest where the evergreen trees stood buttressed by thick snowdrifts. As the scenery went by, they were able to see the true devastation that the war had brought even to the countryside. Some of the small villages they passed were half-flattened, while others stood seemingly untouched. In both cases, the snow covering the ruins or roofs made it all seem like an eerie dream.</p><p>Martin spent the ride leaning up against his shoulder a little more than was necessary under pretense of watching out the window, and every time Otto pointed something about, he would nod, his hair just catching on the edge of Otto’s ear, making the younger man blush.</p><p>Otto was nervous, and he could tell Martin was too, but at least for the train ride, they both were so entranced by the journey itself, that the queasiness that had lodged itself in Otto’s stomach over the past few days seemed to dissipate at least a little.</p><p>oOo</p><p>The station wasn’t more than a concrete platform with a worn-down bench, and when the train stopped, only one other person disembarked. Otto wasn’t sure who would come to fetch them home from the station, but he had phoned his mother the day prior with their train information, and she assured him that someone would come to pick them up. While they waited, Otto brushed the light snow off the bench and sat down next to Martin, surveying the part of the town that he could see from there. It looked largely unscathed, which Otto knew was down to nothing more than luck, though there seemed to be a distinct lack of life, and Otto pictured all the children he’d used to play with after school and wondered how many would never come back.</p><p>After a half hour or so, just when the tips of his fingers were starting to tingle with the cold, he looked down the road once more to see a man driving an old horse and sled through the snow towards them.</p><p>“Young Marquardt!” the man called out, and Otto immediately recognized his neighbor, Herr Seidel. He was around the same age his father would have been and had spent a lot of time in the years since helping his mother with labor around the house. “You made it home!” he exclaimed as he got closer, a wide grin spreading across his face, and Otto was sure he wasn’t just referring to his return home for the holiday.</p><p>“It’s good to see you again, Herr Seidel,” Otto replied, reaching up to the driver’s seat to shake his hand.</p><p>“Who’s this?” Herr Seidel asked, gesturing to Martin.</p><p>“My friend, Martin Schelling. He’s joining us for Christmas.”</p><p>Herr Seidel pressed his lips together in a kind of pitying smile, and Otto realized that not having a family to spend the holiday with was likely not all to uncommon nowadays. “Climb on the back then, I’ll take you home.” Seidel said, gesturing to the open back end of the sled. </p><p>Otto climbed on quickly and then gripped onto Martin’s elbow to help pull him up as well, and then they were off, watching the main streets of the town recede from view until they were completely surrounded by frosted evergreens and the sound of the sleigh’s runners as it cut through the snow.</p><p>Seidel turned back occasionally to point out a bird here or there or to comment on a neighbor, but mostly he left them to talk amongst themselves.</p><p>Martin’s face was full of wonder as he gazed at the scenery gliding past. “It’s wonderful,” he said softly, and Otto felt his heart twinge with warmth.</p><p>“Better than Berlin?” Otto teased, and Martin laughed.</p><p>“I can’t not love the city, but this is like… a storybook. It seems unreal to me that you grew up here.”</p><p>“You’ve really never seen anything like it?”</p><p>“I mean of course I’ve been out in nature, but just around the city, or once or twice to the seaside as a child, but nothing like this.”</p><p>Otto tore his eyes away from the ever-retreating road to look at Martin. “I’m glad you’re here,” he said soft enough that he was sure Herr Seidel wouldn’t hear. Martin nodded and set a hand on his knee for a moment.</p><p>oOo</p><p>When they finally arrived home, Herr Seidel didn’t bother getting down to greet Otto’s mother and instead just dropped the pair of them off and continued down the road to his own house, leaving them both standing in snow up to their mid-calves and staring at Otto’s home. It had been so long since Otto had seen the old wooden structure that he found himself stuck in place, unable to move as if in a dream. </p><p>Martin let him take it in for a moment before gracing a hand down his back, “Shall we go in?”</p><p>When they got to the front door, Otto felt his pulse increase drastically, and he could hear Martin taking in a deep breath beside him. He didn’t have much more time to think after knocking on the door, however, before he could hear footsteps coming quickly.</p><p>The old door creaked open and Otto found his mother standing on the other side, looking older, with more lines around her eyes, but otherwise much the same as when he last saw her. They stared at each other in shock for just a moment before his mother was pulling him inside and into her arms.</p><p>“You’re really here. I can’t believe it. You’re really here,” she kept repeating as she pressed her hands against his face, looking at him. They stayed like that until Otto heard more footsteps an looked up to see Anni jogging towards them, Karin in her arms.</p><p>Otto took Karin from her immediately and swung her around high in a circle – a trick that never failed to make her laugh – and then hugged Anni as well. At the same moment, Otto’s mother seemed to register the other person standing quietly still in the doorway and seemed to falter. Otto paused as well, Karin perched against his hip, not sure how his mother would react.</p><p>“You must be Martin?”</p><p>“I am. Thank you for allowing me to come, Frau Marquadt,” he said politely, but Martin could hear the nervous undertone to his voice, “You have a very beautiful home.”</p><p>“Thank you,” his mother nodded and then seemed to flounder a little once more before reaching to take Karin out of Otto’s arms, “Why don’t you take off your coats? We’ll eat soon. I’m sure you’re both plenty tired and hungry from the journey.”</p><p>His mother retreated into the kitchen with Karin and Anni gave them both a thin smile before joining her, leaving them both alone again. Martin moved behind Otto to slip the heavy woolen coat off his shoulders and said softly, “I think it’s going to be alright, Otto.”</p><p>Otto wasn’t completely sure but nodded anyway and turned back to face him, “I hope so…”</p><p>“Anni and Karin are glad to see you.”</p><p>“I’m glad to see them,” Otto smiled despite himself.</p><p>“So am I.” Martin then bent down to pick up their suitcases, “Why don’t you show me where to put these, and I’ll let your mother and you have a moment to yourselves without me there.”</p><p>Otto bit his lip to stop himself from protesting because he knew Martin was right and was ultimately thankful for his easy understanding. Otto led him down the hall to his old room, which was exactly as he had last left it - the small wooden bed that he had grown too long for, the old green quilt from his grandmother, and the small shelf with his old schoolbooks were all still there. Martin smiled as he looked around and ran his fingers over the worn quilt fabric.</p><p>“Go on,” he said gently when Otto was still standing in the doorway, “I’ll just lay some things out.”</p><p>Otto swallowed and headed back to the kitchen to find his family gathered around the table, with Karin at one end playing joyfully with a handful of dough and his mother at the other end carefully stretching out dough so that it hung in a thin sheet all the way off the end of the table.</p><p>“You’re making strudel?” he asked, knowing exactly what the careful preparations were for.</p><p>“I wanted to make it for you – for your homecoming,” she said, glancing up at him.</p><p>Otto pulled out a chair and sat down to watch as she began stretching out the other end, “You were able to find all the ingredients?”</p><p>“I managed.”</p><p>“Thank you,” he smiled genuinely, “I haven’t had strudel since I was home last.”</p><p>His mother grimaced slightly, and he understood. The last time had been the night before he left. </p><p>She looked up again after a moment, “Where is Martin?”</p><p>“In my room, unpacking a few things.”</p><p>“He’s staying there?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“I’ll make you a pallet on the couch, then.”</p><p>Otto opened his mouth to object, but Anni caught his eye from across the room and gave him a very pointed look, and he knew himself really that it wasn’t worth it, not then at least. “Alright,” he conceded softly.</p><p>They talked for a little while longer, just about Berlin and about his work, before Martin slipped in the room quietly and sat down next to Otto. He didn’t say anything through the whole conversation, just listened, until there was finally a lull in conversation, and he caught Otto’s mother’s eye just as she began to lay the cut apples out across the dough.</p><p>“My mother used to make that each Christmas.”</p><p>His mother glanced at him casually, “She doesn’t anymore?”</p><p>Otto looked over at Martin and the other man looked down at his hands, face turning pink with embarrassment, “We’re not-… um…  we haven’t seen each other in a long time.”</p><p>His mother’s hands stalled in midair, and Otto could sense that she understood.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They didn’t talk about it.</p><p>His mother finished making the pastry in silence and Anni went to the sitting room to read, so Otto took Martin and showed him around the house. Telling stories about the different memories held within all the objects he hadn’t seen in years. Martin listened closely with a small smile curving at the corners of his lips.</p><p>“You’ve missed it here, I can tell,” he said when they stopped to look out the window at the frosted forest that stretched out behind the house.</p><p>“I guess I have… I don’t think I really realized it until now.”</p><p>Martin looked at him with understanding, “Maybe it was easier not to remember.”</p><p>Otto nodded and leaned against him slightly, “It’s so peaceful. Looking out there it’s as if nothing ever changed. You could never feel that in Berlin.”</p><p>oOo</p><p>At dinner that night, they only talked about simple things, but it didn’t feel stilted or wrong. There was plenty to talk about between Anni’s new job and Karin and the thick snow that had begun to fall again outside. Martin didn’t really say much unless directly asked a question, but Otto still tried to fit him in around the table by referring to /their/ work or /their/ time in the city and so on, hoping it would help.</p><p>When his mother brought out the strudel, he felt as though he might actually cry from eating it – not having eaten anything as delicious since he’d left for the front and feeling suddenly overwhelmed by the flavors of his youth. Looking around at the surprise and joy he found plastered on everyone else’s faces, he knew he wasn’t alone. That seemed to finally break open the room, as they each talked passionately about what foods they missed and what they would cook if they could find the ingredients. This time, even Martin joined in, telling them all about a roast duck he’d eaten at a restaurant in Berlin the summer after he’d finished school. </p><p>The conversation managed to take them into the sitting room where Karin, now up well past her bedtime, took to toddling in endless circles and figure eights between all the adults, receiving a cheer or a kiss or a pat on the head as she reached each one. Otto’s mother was naturally completely enamored by her, and so that too became another thing they could all share: their love for Karin. </p><p>Eventually Karin did tire and held her arms up to her grandmother, falling asleep just minutes after being placed on her lap. </p><p>“I’ll put her to bed,” she said, picking the sleeping girl up, “It’s time I went to sleep myself.”</p><p>After bidding her goodnight, Otto, Martin, and Anni were left alone in the now quiet living room. Anni got up to fetch her purse and then pulled out a pack of cigarettes, offering one each to Otto and Martin. Otto raised an eyebrow at her, knowing their mother would be rather unhappy at them smoking in the house but not planning on going outside either.</p><p>Anni raised an eyebrow back, “Open the window if you’re worried.” Otto did and tried to fan the smoke out with the newspaper resting on the side table, though he was sure the smell of smoke would still linger.</p><p>Anni then turned to Martin, “Mama likes you I think.”</p><p>Martin nodded but didn’t reply.</p><p>“Really, I think she does. It’s just- It’s something we were taught was wrong.”</p><p>“I know,” Martin said looking at her, “I understand. I appreciate that she was still willing to have me here.” He let out another breath of smoke before adding, “Maybe I should tell her that…”</p><p>“It couldn’t hurt, I don’t think,” Anni said as she stubbed out her cigarette in the ash tray. “I’d better go check on Karin,” she said and then Martin and Otto were alone.</p><p>“I agree with Anni,” Otto said, looking over at Martin, “I think she likes you but just doesn’t understand.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t really expect her to.”</p><p>“No...”</p><p>“But you’d still like her to.”</p><p>Otto sighed and moved closer to him on the sofa, “I know it’s not reasonable… but yes.”</p><p>Martin hummed and reached out to card his fingers through the hair at the nape of Otto’s neck, “I wish my mother had been even half as kind as yours is,” he said quite matter-of-factly, but Otto knew him well enough to know that he didn’t feel even nearly as blasé as he sounded.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he whispered and leaned his head down against Martin’s shoulder, “I’m sure I must seem quite ungrateful…”</p><p>Martin was silent for a moment before saying carefully, “I think it’s best to just accept that life will move at its own pace.”</p><p>Otto turned his head to press a kiss to the side of Martin’s neck and then decided that it might be best if they talked about something else, “I think I’m going to find us a Christmas tree tomorrow.”</p><p>“That’d be nice.”</p><p>“You can come, if you like.”</p><p>Martin chuckled softly, “I don’t really think my leg is meant to trudge through thick snow.”</p><p>“Well you’d need snowshoes, or skis.”</p><p>“That sounds… like an even worse idea,” he laughed.</p><p>“Oh but you’d look so handsome with snow stuck to your eyelashes,” Otto laughed, reaching up to tap Martin’s eyeglasses.</p><p>“Must I ski for that to happen? I rather think I could just stand outside the back door and have my eyelashes freeze at this point,” Martin teased.</p><p>“Well, you’d look handsome there, too.”</p><p>“You’re ridiculous," Martin chuckled, pressing a kiss to his hair.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Otto had thought that he might have trouble sleeping, so used to having Martin by his side by now, but he found that he was so exhausted that night, that by the time he arranged the blankets and pillows out on the couch, he fell into a heavy, dreamless sleep as soon as he laid down.</p><p>He woke up early the next morning feeling rested and well. The yellow light of the winter morning was shimmering through the living room curtains, but no one else in the house seemed to be up. Otto slipped out of the covers and then got dressed quickly, trying to avoid losing all the heat from the blanket in the cold air of the room. He then quietly headed to his old room where he knocked lightly on the door, feeling a bit bad to be waking Martin up, but not wanting to head out without doing so first.</p><p>“It’s Otto,” he said from outside the door and heard Martin shuffling around.</p><p>“Come in,” he replied, sounding decently awake.</p><p>Otto opened the door and found that Martin indeed was awake, sitting up on the edge of the bed, but still in his nightclothes.</p><p>“I didn’t wake you?” he still asked.</p><p>Martin gave him a sleepy smile, “No, but I wouldn’t mind if you had,” he then gestured at him, “Come here.”</p><p>Otto went and sat beside him, giving him a quick kiss on the lips before leaning back onto his elbows, looking up at the other man, “I’m going to head out into the forest for a tree. Thought I ought to go now before everyone else is up and will miss me.”</p><p>“I’ll miss you,” Martin looked back at him, a bemused smile on his face.</p><p>“Come with me!”</p><p>“I’m only teasing. I don’t fancy myself to be a good lumberjack… or skier.”</p><p>Otto smiled back but then reached out to touch his hand, “You’re sure you’ll be alright here alone? I don’t have to go.”</p><p>“I’ll be fine. It might be good to have a moment where your mother can catch me alone, and if worse comes to worst, Anni is still here.”</p><p>“Alright if you’re sure.”</p><p>“Go on then,” Martin reached over and gave him another peck on the lips, “Go find us a proper tree.”</p><p>oOo</p><p>Otto grabbed some bread and cheese from the kitchen and then bundled up even more, putting on his overcoat, scarf, hat, and gloves, and then headed out into the snowy backyard. He trudged out to the shed, snow already sticking to his clothes, and found the small sled and his old skis, which he strapped on.</p><p>It had been ages since he’d done this, and for the first few meters out from the shed, he had to remind his body how to skate across the ground, feeling awkward and out of practice, but by the time he reached the edge of the trees, he was gliding smoothly. Even with the sled weighing him down, he felt so free. The radiant beauty of nature surrounded him, grounding him and exhilarating him all at once. He could see tracks from a winter hare darting through the tree trucks and could see the occasional bird dart through the branches of a nearby tree, and he tried to catalogue it all in his mind so that he could tell Martin later.</p><p>He didn’t bother looking for any particular tree at first, just enjoyed feeling the blood rush through his body, warming him despite the cold. He eventually got warm enough that he stopped to take off his hat and gloves and then decided that he’d better take a look around. He began to ski more slowly then, looking for a young fir tree that he could manage by himself. Eventually he found one that was just taller than he was with full, emerald branches and took out the ax to fell it. </p><p>After succeeding in cutting it down and strapping it to the sled, he spotted two other smaller trees that he decided to cut as well for firewood so that his mother wouldn’t have to wait on Herr Seidel to come by. By the time he managed all of that, his muscles were twinging, not having worked that hard in quite a long time, so he took it slowly heading back towards home, following the tracks he had left earlier and watching a squirrel race from tree to tree ahead of him.</p><p>When he finally arrived back home, he unstrapped the trees from his sled, standing the soon-to-be Christmas tree up against the side of the house and then getting to work chopping up the smaller two into logs for the stove inside. </p><p>Just as he was finishing up with the second tree, he heard the back door of the house creak open and the soft crunch of snow as a person approached. He looked up to see Martin approaching, a scarf tied around his neck and his breath like smoke in the air.</p><p>Otto put down the ax and smiled as he waited for him to get closer.</p><p>“So you decided to come out into the snow again after all.”</p><p>“I could see you from the window.” Martin nodded his head towards the logs piled up in the snow and blushed.</p><p>“Could you?” Otto teased.</p><p>“Mmh” was all Martin said in response, but then finally continued, “Your cheeks are so rosy in the cold.”</p><p>Otto knew his cheeks were only to be rosier after that. “Come here,” he said, reaching out a hand to Martin.</p><p>He pulled the other man around to the far side of the shed where he knew that no one could see them from the house. Otto pushed him back gently until he was leaning against the wall of the structure and then leaned in, feeling Martin’s warm breath on his face before pressing their lips together. He felt the other man relax beneath him and move his hands until they were pressing against his back.</p><p>Otto deepened the kiss, sighing as Martin pulled him even closer. His own hand was trapped between them, and though he couldn’t feel Martin’s heartbeat through the thick fabric of his coat, he knew that if it was anything like his it would be beating frantically. </p><p>He knew him well enough now that he imagined it was.</p><p>When they finally pulled apart, Otto found himself staring at the sheer beauty of Martin with his cheeks pink from the cold and lips red from his own.</p><p>“I love you,” he said firmly, and Martin’s eyes melted into honey.</p><p>He moved to clutch at Otto’s arms and replied equally as sincerely, “You know I love you as well.”</p><p>Otto leaned forward to press his forehead against Martin’s, and they stayed there unmoving for a long moment before Martin slipped his hands down Otto’s arms to hold his hands.</p><p>“You’re mother talked to me,” he said softly, eyes still closed.</p><p>Otto just hummed quietly in response, not yet sure of how Martin was feeling.</p><p>“She thinks you’ll come to regret this,” and then clarified, “Us.”</p><p>“I won’t.”</p><p>Martin rubbed his thumbs across his hands, “She wants you to have children,” he said carefully.</p><p>Martin and he had talked about this before, and Martin knew – knew that Otto would wake up in the middle of the night sometimes feeling queasy and close to tears over the impossibility of it, so Otto replied as he always did, “You know that I do, too, but I’m not willing to give up what’s right in front of me for something that may or may not be, especially when the alternative would involve me living a lie,” he squeezed Martin’s hands back, “and especially when the man right in front of me is you.”</p><p>Martin had leaned back and was looking at him now, and Otto could see the small smile that dusted the corners of his mouth, but he still continued, “She’s worried about the law as well, and I told her that we’d managed so far – that we’re careful, but it’s not much of a comfort, I realize.”</p><p>“I’ll talk to her,” he replied softly.</p><p>Martin gave him a kiss just beside his ear, “She’s worried about you, Otto, but that ultimately means that she cares.”</p><p>Otto nodded, his chest tight, “Thank you for being here with me.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”</p><p>Otto moved to press their lips together again. When he pulled back and looked Martin in the eyes, he felt a giddy smile take over his face.</p><p>“You’ve got snow stuck to your eyelashes.”</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Martin helped Otto shake the remaining snow from the Christmas tree branches before helping him push it through the doorway and into the living room. In theory, Otto would have liked it to be a surprise for Karin, but there was no way that was going to happen as they struggled to get it through the door and into the corner of the room. Karin came running down the hallway to see what the commotion was about, standing in the middle of the room with huge eyes. </p><p>“We got you a tree!” Otto said cheerily as he knelt by the base, trying to get it upright.</p><p>Karin didn’t look any less confused and instead toddled out of the room, returning minutes later dragging Anni by the hem of her skirt.</p><p>“Ah look at that!” Anni smiled, pulling Karin up into her arms, “You’ve never had a Christmas tree, have you?”</p><p>“Do you know where Mother keeps all our ornaments?” Otto asked her.</p><p>“No, but I’ll go ask her. We can put them up this evening.”</p><p>As Anni set Karin back down and went to find the ornaments, Karin ran over to the tree and bent down until she could crawl under its branches. Otto and Martin laughed as they watched her crawl circles around the trunk, giggling to herself as the branches tickled her hair. Otto got down on the ground and laid down under the tree beside Karin, and after a moment, Martin joined him. Karin squealed with joy when they joined her and then giggled as she tried to climb over them on her way around the tree trunk, making them laugh as well. </p><p>Anni returned eventually to find the three of them still under the tree with its green needles stuck to their hair and jumpers. Karin stuck her head out to grin at her mother but made no move to come out from under the branches.</p><p>Anni set the box of ornaments down on the side table and knelt down to begin picking the needles out of Karin’s curls, “You’re a very silly girl,” she mused and then poked Otto’s outstretched calf, “And your uncles are very silly men.”</p><p>The ease at which she said that made Otto grin widely, his heart clenching with appreciation. He extracted himself out from underneath the tree and reached out a hand to help Martin out, “Uncles are supposed to be silly, aren’t they?” he teased.</p><p>“Even if they weren’t, I don’t imagine you could help yourself,” she teased back, her face mock serious.</p><p>“No, I doubt it.”</p><p>oOo</p><p>Otto went to change out of his clothes, and by the time he was finished, Anni had already put Karin down for her nap and was sitting in the living room with Martin, both of whom had thick books open in their laps. He headed into the kitchen, where he found his mother washing dishes at the sink.</p><p>“Let me help,” he said and grabbed a towel to help dry things off before she could even argue.</p><p>“You picked out a nice tree,” she said, continuing to wash the plates.</p><p>“Yes, I think it looks nice. It was fun to be out on skis again.”</p><p>“I’m glad. They don’t get any use with just me at home. You’re always welcome to come by and use them.”</p><p>“It’s not the easiest trip from Berlin, but I would like to try and come more often.”</p><p>“Anni said she would, too.”</p><p>“Mmh, that’s good,” Otto nodded, “I miss not seeing her in Berlin.”</p><p>“I’m sure she misses you.”</p><p>They were both quiet for a moment before Otto took a deep breath, “You talked with Martin when I was out?” He asked it as a question but they both knew it really wasn’t one.</p><p>“I wanted to get to know him a little better.”</p><p>“And what do you think?” he asked, feeling his nerves ticking up again.</p><p>His mother gave a noncommittal noise and just kept washing.</p><p>“What would you say if I were Anni?”</p><p>“You’re not Anni.”</p><p>“It’s hypothetical.”</p><p>“Is it?” She looked at him pointedly and Otto sighed. “He wears your necklace, I noticed. You gave it to him?”</p><p>“I couldn’t give him a ring.”</p><p>His mother froze, her mouth stuck open in surprise. Otto tried to hold eye contact, not wanting to back down, but after a few seconds it was too much and he turned back to the plates in front of him, hands frustrating him as they trembled slightly. </p><p>“You’re truly that serious?” she finally said.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>She turned back to the sink and they finished washing the dishes together in silence. Otto helped her put them all away and was turning to leave when she reached out and held onto his arm. Her eyes were pleading as she held onto him, “If you were Anni, I would tell you that I approve… that I would be happy to welcome him to our family… but you’re not Anni, Otto.”</p><p>“It’s not any different,” Otto said. He could feel tears welling up behind his eyes, feeling suddenly so overwhelmed. He tried to push them down, but his voice still betrayed him, “It doesn’t feel any different.”</p><p>“Oh, Otto…” she said, reaching out to place her hand on the side of his cheek. As she did so, Otto began to cry openly. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried with his mother, but felt like a small child again, letting her bring him to her chest and wipe the tears off his face. </p><p>Once he started, he couldn’t seem to stop.</p><p>Without him even saying anything more, she seemed to understand and began to speak as she rubbed a hand across his shoulders, “It goes against everything I know, Otto. I don’t know that I can change that. But, as your mother, I’m not going to force you to do something you don’t want, or to be someone else. You’ve always had such a gentle heart, and it seems to me like Martin has as well. I wouldn’t have wanted you to be with a man if it was up to be, but I won’t pretend like it is up to me, and I’m glad at least that you’ve found a man as kind as Martin.”</p><p>“I was so frightened you’d turn me away.”</p><p>“I could never. I almost lost you before, Otto. I’d be more than a fool to lose you on purpose,” she said sincerely and then after a moment continued softly, “It’s been a lot for me to take in, but I’m sorry to have made you feel unwelcome or unloved.”</p><p>Otto nodded against her shoulder, his breathing still tight and unsteady, but feeling comforted at hearing her say those words. She waited until his breathing slowed before finally pulling back and handing him a handkerchief. </p><p>“Why don’t we go put the ornaments up?” she suggested, and though he was still feeling rather raw on the inside, he wiped his eyes and agreed, letting her lead him out into the living room again and into the comfort of the whole family.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>No one mentioned Otto’s red eyes or his mother’s pained look when they entered the living room, but when Otto made to sit next to Martin on the couch, Martin put a warm hand between his shoulder blades and kept it there until he got up again. </p><p>Despite a difficult beginning to the evening, the atmosphere in the room was comfortable and calming. They took their time hanging up the ornaments, Otto, Anni, and their mother reminiscing about the stories behind the different pieces and Martin listening intently, enjoying the stories from the Marquart children’s youth. </p><p>When the tree’s branches were finally weighed down and shimmering with decoration, Otto’s mother lit a few candles and brought out the Bible to read the nativity scene. Otto didn’t count himself as being particularly religious, but he had grown up with religion surrounding him, and he found the familiar story comforting to listen to. </p><p>He relaxed against Martin on the couch and closed his eyes to let his mother’s voice wash over him. She didn’t read the story like they did in church but rather in the way she had read stories to Anni and him as children, and Otto could picture clearly in his mind the old stable with all the animals watching over the baby and wise men following the star through the dessert night. Martin seemed relaxed, too. His hand was resting next to Otto’s and his thumb was brushing gentle circles against his skin. </p><p>It should have felt sacrilegious in a way, Otto thought, but it didn’t at all.</p><p>When his mother finally finished the story, Otto forced himself to open his eyes, lest he fall asleep otherwise, and could see that everyone in the room indeed looked as relaxed as he did. Anni had slipped off her shoes to curl up in the side chair with Karin in her lap, and their mother was gazing out the window into the night.</p><p>“Thank you for reading,” Otto said into the quiet room, and his mother gave him a soft smile as she slipped off her reading glasses.</p><p>“Are we going to sing any carols?” Anni piped up from the corner, “Karin and I have been practicing.”</p><p>“Have you improved at all?” Otto laughed, “Last year when you tried to sing carols to Karin you made her cry.”</p><p>Anni shot him a look across the room, “If I recall, you were singing as well.”</p><p>“Oh stop, you two,” their mother interrupted, “Of course we’ll sing.”</p><p>True to her word, their mother started up with a verse of Silent Night, not the version they’d sung during the war but the real one, and soon all of them joined in. They didn’t sound particularly good at all, but Karin started clapping her small hands as they sang, and so they kept going through all the verses just to watch her giggle. The longer they sang, the worse Otto thought they sounded however, and soon he could barely sing at all from trying not to laugh. As soon as he made eye contact with Martin, he couldn’t help himself any longer and the two of them burst into breathless laughter as Anni and their mother valiantly tried to keep going. </p><p>The pair of them managed to calm down until they tried to begin another carol and started laughing once more. Anni only managed to drag them through two more songs until she gave up and conceded that they ought to just open their gifts instead.</p><p>All the gifts were food, which was quite a sign of the times. Anni had managed to find some chocolate and tea and their mother gave them a few jars of preserved fruits and jams. Otto and Martin gave out the eggs and sugar and coffee and oranges and were happy to see the way the family gazed wide-eyed at the bright fruits, not quite believing they were real.</p><p>They all watched intently as Anni carefully peeled one and fed a small slice to Karin who’d almost assuredly never tasted anything like it in her life. Her face puckered at first against the sour but then she reached out to try and grab another piece, a look of surprise and happiness taking over.</p><p>oOo</p><p>They all went to bed late, not wanting the evening to end, and Otto had been sure that’d he’d fall asleep easily, but as the hands on the clock continued to tick later, he found himself wide awake, staring at the slight shimmer of the Christmas ornaments in the dark. The room had grown cold and he could feel the bitter winter wind seeping under the cracks of the windows above his head. No matter how he folded the blanket or tucked himself into the fabric of the couch, he couldn’t seem to warm up again.</p><p>Frustrated, he got up, wrapping the blanket all the way around him and tiptoed from the room. Once in the hallway, he thought about just going to his room and joining Martin, but as he pressed his ear to the door, he heard the slow, even breaths on the other side and felt too guilty about waking him up, even if he knew rationally that the other man wouldn’t mind.</p><p>He instead went into the kitchen where, just as he thought, the stove was still warm from when Anni had heated up Karin’s milk before bed. He sat down against the cabinet opposite it and put his socked feet up against the warm iron, closing his eyes as the warmth seeped back into his blood. </p><p>oOo</p><p>He hadn’t really planned to fall asleep there, just to warm up enough to move back to the living room, but he obviously had fallen asleep because he woke up to the sound of odd footsteps next to his head and then a loud gasp.</p><p>“What on Earth, Otto…” he heard Martin’s voice whisper into the dark, “I almost stepped on your arm.”</p><p>Otto blinked awake and sat up to find Martin leaning heavily against the counter, looking at him in confusion. </p><p>“What’re you doing down here?’ he asked.</p><p>“s’cold,” Otto mumbled, still not quite awake, “What’re you doing up? What time is it?”</p><p>“It’s just about five. I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep. Thought I’d get a glass of water.”</p><p>“You alright,” Otto asked, coming back to himself more. “Is it pain?” he asked, noting that Martin wasn’t wearing his prosthetic. He wouldn’t have expected him to be wearing it if he was just coming to get a glass of water anyways, but by the look on his face and the way he was leaning heavily for support, Otto imagined it was his leg that was bothering him.</p><p>“Mmh,” Martin hummed in acknowledgement of the question, but then just said, “It’s alright, you should go back to bed.”</p><p>“I can sleep later, let me help.” </p><p>Otto stood up out of the blanket and immediately shivered as the cold air hit him once again. He quickly got Martin a glass of water and then wrapped himself in the blanket once more before it too lost all its warmth.</p><p>“Are you not freezing?” Otto asked, noting that Martin was only dressed in his thin nightclothes.</p><p>“I am a bit chilled.”</p><p>“Right, well that can’t be helping.”</p><p>Otto knelt down and put a few small logs into the stove and turned it on, sighing as he felt the fire begin to heat it quickly.</p><p>“Come here,” he said to Martin, reaching both arms up to help the other man down. He positioned himself so he was opposite to Martin and took the man’s bad leg between his own. “Do you have sores again or is it cramping.”</p><p>“Just cramping. You know how it can get in the winter.”</p><p>“I can help,” Otto said again, determinedly. He took the blanket and wrapped it around Martin’s shoulders before beginning to massage his leg. Martin shivered as Otto’s fingers began pressing into the knotted muscles and Otto grimaced. “Sorry, I know my hands are freezing.”</p><p>“It’s alright,” Martin said softly but still burrowed deeper into the blanket.</p><p>Otto wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, but it was long enough for the darkness of the kitchen to morph into the soft sapphire light of an early winter morning. They didn’t say much as they sat there, Otto just apologizing whenever he came across a particularly painful spot and Martin telling him to stop saying sorry, until finally Martin reached out and stilled Otto’s hands.</p><p>“That’s enough for now I think,” he said quietly, eyes wide and kind in the blue light, “Thank you.”</p><p>“You’re welcome,” Otto whispered back, moving from where he was sitting to position himself next to Martin, their shoulders pressing together. He pressed a kiss to the side of Martin’s head, and Martin ran a hand down his arm.</p><p>“You should go back to sleep for a while.”</p><p>“So should you,” Otto replied, but neither of them moved.</p><p>Martin kept running his fingers up and down Otto’s forearm, and Otto leaned his head back against the counter to look at him. Martin returned his gaze with warm brown eyes and smiled softly before leaning forward and pressing a light kiss to his lips. Otto could tell Martin just meant for it to be a chaste peck, but as Martin tried to pull away, Otto reached up and tangled his fingers in his hair, keeping him close, their breaths mixing before Otto moved forward and began to kiss him slowly, languidly. It was not a kiss of desperate passion and it wasn’t supposed to be. It was slow and soft and matched the quiet morning. Martin hummed as Otto moved to press them closer, taking his bottom lip gently between his teeth as he did so. Martin slipped a hand up to hold Otto’s neck, the warmth from his hand tingling down the back of his spine. When they eventually pulled apart, Martin didn’t make to back away and instead cradled the side of Otto’s face in his hand, his thumb brushing over Otto’s eyebrow.</p><p>“You’re an absolute wonder,” Martin murmured. </p><p>Otto blushed and looked down, his hand tracing across Martin’s chest and catching on his necklace. </p><p>“I’m so glad you’re here – that we’re here,” was all Otto managed to say in return and Martin nodded.</p><p>Martin rested his head against Otto’s shoulder for a minute before mumbling, “I suppose we should get off the kitchen floor before we scare someone else.”</p><p>“I suppose…”</p><p>They slowly untangled themselves and put out the flame in the stove. Otto then wrapped a snug arm around Martin’s back to help him back to the room.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They ended up falling back asleep for a while once back in the room. Martin had sat down on the edge of the bed and before he could even begin to think about getting himself ready for the morning, Otto had curled up beside him.</p><p>“Back to sleep, are we?” Martin asked fondly, a smile playing on the corners of his lips.</p><p>“No,” Otto mumbled into his shirt – a complete lie. </p><p>It only took a second for Martin to give him a nudge towards the other side of the bed, “Right, move over then and I’ll join you.”</p><p>Otto smiled widely and moved back towards the wall to let Martin lay down beside him, though his eyes were already closed with sleep by the time Otto moved to rest his head on Martin’s shoulder.</p><p>oOo</p><p>A night with so many interruptions shouldn’t have left him feeling at peace, but when Otto woke up with his head tucked against Martin’s chest, the sound of his family in the kitchen, and the glistening light from the icicles on his bedroom window, Otto couldn’t help but grin, a feeling of joy and home bubbling up in his chest.</p><p>He moved enough so that he could glance up at Martin and found the other man awake, glasses off but kind eyes watching him all the same.</p><p>“Merry Christmas,” Martin whispered to him, “I forgot to say that earlier.”</p><p>“Merry Christmas,” Otto said, sitting up and leaning over him. “I haven’t had such a wonderful holiday since I was a child,” he smiled as he leaned down and snuck a kiss on Martin’s cheekbone.</p><p>“No, I haven’t either,” Martin replied, propping himself up on his elbows to give Otto a peck on the lips, “We oughtn’t miss it either. I can kiss you all day at home.”</p><p>“You’ve never kissed me all day,” Otto laughed.</p><p>“I could, theoretically.”</p><p>“Well please do,” Otto teased, grin only growing wider, “I’ll reassure you now that I wouldn’t mind.”</p><p>“No, I imagine you wouldn’t,” Martin chuckled, “I wouldn’t either, but let’s get dressed.”</p><p>oOo</p><p>When they entered the kitchen together, Anni and their mother both raised their eyebrows at Otto, but Otto didn’t say anything. He just gave each a kiss on the cheek and then plucked Karin out of Anni’s arms to swing her around in the air, making her squeal wildly with glee, before taking her into his lap as he sat down.</p><p>“I was trying to feed her breakfast,” Anni sighed.</p><p>“I can do it just as well,” Otto said, to which Anni rolled her eyes.</p><p>“Well give it a go. She wouldn’t eat a bite of porridge this morning.”</p><p>Anni pushed over the bowl of porridge and true to word, Karin refused to open her mouth, putting up a fuss whenever the spoon got too close.</p><p>Otto put it down and looked at Karin, who was giving him a glare that he imagined would be able to rival Anni’s in a few years. “Well, porridge isn’t the most exciting Christmas breakfast, now is it,” he conceded.</p><p>“And you’ll make something else?” their mother asked, laughing at him from the other side of the kitchen.</p><p>“There’s still a few oranges aren’t there?”</p><p>“In the sitting room, I think.”</p><p>There were a couple left, and Otto was right, because as soon as she saw them, Karin practically jumped out of his arms trying to reach for them. </p><p>“I thought you might enjoy that,” Otto chuckled as he picked them up and headed back for the kitchen.</p><p>He sat her down on top of the table as he peeled the oranges, both of their fingers quickly becoming sticky with the sweet juice as he let her pick the slices out of his hand.</p><p>“Save the peels this time and I’ll candy them,” his mother said, watching the pair of them.</p><p>“You spoil her, Otto,” Anni said, but she was smiling, “I’ll never get her to eat porridge again.”</p><p>“I can’t help it. You’ll just have to visit more often.”</p><p>“So will both of you,” she replied, nodding to Martin as well.</p><p>“We will,” Martin said, smiling softly.</p><p>“Your train is this afternoon?”</p><p>“Mmh, unfortunately yes.”</p><p>“Pity you have to leave on Christmas.”</p><p>“Back to work tomorrow, you know how it is.”</p><p>oOo</p><p>Herr Seidel came to pick them up a few hours later, and no one was excited to have them leave. He helped them load their few pieces of luggage before waiting outside to give them a few moments for goodbyes.</p><p>Otto’s mother looked close to tears as she wrapped her arms around him, which made Otto’s throat tight as he hugged her back.</p><p>“Don’t wait so long to come again.”</p><p>“I won’t. I promise.”</p><p>“You can always come home,” she said firmly, framing his face with her hands, “Always.”</p><p>“Thank you, Mama.”</p><p>She shook her head, “You’ve nothing to thank me for, silly boy…” and then reached out a hand to Martin’s shoulder, “Make sure he visits, yes? Or at least calls or writes.”</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>“I hope to see you both sooner than next Christmas.”</p><p>“I’d like that as well,” Martin replied quietly, eyes too wide to not be emotional.</p><p>After kissing Anni and Karin goodbye, Martin and Otto climbed onto the back of Herr Seidel’s sled, and they were off.</p><p>They didn’t say much of anything as they rode back to the train station. Otto laid back onto the wooden planks of the sled and watched the snow-covered tree branches fly above his head. Martin stayed sitting against the side, but when Otto looked over at him, he could see that his eyes were glued to the passing scenery as well.</p><p>When Martin noticed him watching, he gave him a smile, “I’ll miss it. You might make a country man out of me yet.”</p><p>Otto grinned, “Worse things could happen.”</p><p>oOo</p><p>When they got to the station, Herr Seidel helped them down from the back of the sled and shook their hands. </p><p>“I hope to be seeing you again, Otto. We were all glad to see that you were back, and your mother of course was delighted.”</p><p>“I hope to be back soon.”</p><p>“And might we see you again as well, Herr Schelling?”</p><p>“I imagine you might. I think I’d enjoy getting out of the city more.”</p><p>“Well then, I’ll expect to see you both,” he said with a wave, and soon he was off, leaving them both alone on the train platform as they were days before.</p><p>They made their way to the small bench by the tracks and as they waited for the train, Martin brushed his arm against Otto’s, looking at him with joyful eyes, “How are you feeling?”</p><p>Otto was quiet for a moment before running his hand softly across Martin’s where it lay between them.</p><p>“At peace,” he replied.</p>
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